04 March 2010

Darkness Like a Flood

Ten years ago today, a beautiful Saturday morning turned into one of my darkest days.

As I opened the door to the police, I knew that something serious had happened... either my parents (who were travelling the South Island of New Zealand) or my brother (who was with friends), were seriously harmed.

I remember going into shock as the policeman reluctantly told me that my brother had died at a dance party on an island. He was only a few weeks away from his 25th birthday. I remember asking why no one else had died, only him.

The most difficult thing I have ever done was phoning my mum to tell her. As her cheery voice answered the phone I remember contemplating not telling her... I figured that if she didn't know then she would stay happy.

That day ended up being one of the longest days in my life. The main feeling I remember was loneliness. My husband was busy keeping the onslaught of media at bay and our 9 month old son occupied. All I wanted was to see my mum and dad.

I had lost my one and only sibling, my special big brother.

Our house slowly filled with family and friends. Food, hugs and tears abounded. I still felt alone.

Finally late that night my parents arrived home and we embraced and cried. From that moment I really started to grieve.

It was all over the news that week. I remember seeing a shot on tv of a body bag being rolled on a stretcher from a boat to a warf. It felt surreal realizing that it was my brother's body in there.

A few nights later, as I lay in my bed in the darkness, the deep sobs began, along with the angry questions to God. Everything seemed hopeless. Waking up each morning only brought the painful realisation of what had happened. As I cried out to Him, He clearly whispered back to my spirit... only a sentence... but it was enough.

I still had my questions, I still had my grieving to do... I still felt angry and things did not make sense. But something deep inside me had changed during the deepest and darkest moments... His words had brought peace to my soul... and hope.

Ten years have passed, yet sometimes it feels like it was only yesterday that I said goodbye to my brother as he left for his trip. The night before he left I had cooked him a meal... if only I'd known it would be our last together.

I wish I'd told him how precious he was to me. I wish I'd told him that I loved him so much.

Since that day, we have all grown up, more children have been born, older loved ones have passed on... but the memories are still strong.

Sometimes they come suddenly, riding on a song, a fragrance, a place or a familiar feeling.

But there is one thing I will never forget... that day when darkness came in like a flood, peace and hope came riding in after it, and they’ve never left.

"I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."  John 14:27 (NLT)






Forever loved, Jamie Lawrence Langridge
March 1975 - March 2000

Article featured here on Delve

36 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you and your family had to endure such a terrible tradgedy! I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you!

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  2. Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you had to go through something that painful

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  3. Oh, how hard that must have been... I'm so sorry you had to experience such a painful loss.. and also so thankful that God was there to see you through your darkest day. You are an amazing lady. Thank you for sharing your hope in the Lord. ..And I pray that he brings you comfort when the memories come.
    Love to you.

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  4. What a terrible and sad thing to have gone through. He must have been very special to you - it must be hard having your kids not ever know him. Lots of love to you in the memory of such a sad day x

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  5. "Sometimes they come suddenly, riding on a song, a fragrance, a place or a familiar feeling." beautiful. Hope your day goes ok :-)

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  6. I feel your inner strength through your writings, Its a hard journey to carry on without someone you love so much....And you do it!....Am sorry for your Darkest day, I wish your days bright and peaceful surrounded by all you love.Your sharing brings me comfort knowing that in our darkest hour, God will encompass us and walk with us always..... ;-)

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  7. :(
    I'll be thinking of you and your family for the rest of today kristy and praying God will keep that peace, comfort and Hope so real for you all on this sad day. So sorry for your loss.

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  8. Oh Kristy, I'm so sorry that you and your parents had to go through this.
    I am thinking of you and praying that God will surround you all today and bring you His peace, the one that surpasses all understanding.

    Much Love
    x

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  9. Ellymay9:55 am

    Dear dear girl how well we remember that day, the responsibilty placed on young shoulders and how well you both coped will forever mark you out as an amazing couple.We see shades of Jamie in the next generation which is a real blessing. God is soooo good and we pray today you will feel His arms around you as memories flood your mind. We love you to bits.scemat

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  10. I'm so sorry for this tragedy in your life. I will have to remember to tell my brother how much I love him.

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  11. my thoughts and prayers are especially with you today

    HUGS

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  12. Kristy, I am actually sobbing from this post. Your brother was loved, and food to a hungry belly told him he was precious to you. Much love to you and your family today. This post is so beautifully written. Dont you just love the work of God, that 'when darkness came in like a flood, peace and hope came riding in after it, and they’ve never left.'
    Praying for you
    xxx

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  13. I am so sorry for your loss, it must be such a horrible pain to have to endure through that. But I am so thankful God walked you through it, footstep by footstep he guided you, he truly is amazing. Prayers to you and your gorgeous family xx

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  14. Sending my love and thoughts to you and your family. Such a beautiful post about how God met you when you needed him most. I still think of Jamie, the artist, surfer, spunk! His memory lives on in a lot of us too. xx

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  15. what can be said that has not been already said?
    what a tragedy to have to live through...my tears flow freely for you and your family and I also have deep deep dears of joy at Gods enduring love and care that you were able to see in this dark time.
    So many things happen that are unexplainable and so very hard to take, but out of the ashes God brings new life...bless you for sharing this Kristy
    What a light and pillar you are!
    Your brother is so proud.
    love and light

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  16. Kristy i honour your sadness and loss and your grace... and the grace you have been shown (jane c)

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  17. Oh Kristy, that's a terrible terrible thing to have to live through. Lots of hugs to you as you remember him.
    love,
    Sophie
    x

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  18. Oh that's such a sad story Kristy. I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose your one and only sibling.

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  19. Kristy, wow.
    Your post has really touched me.
    As I read it I felt tingles all over.
    Thank you so much for sharing this, it must have been hard. You shared it beautifully.

    Much love and hugs to you on this sad anniversary; so glad for the peace that came and has stayed.
    xxx

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  20. Kristy, My thoughts and prayers are with you today!

    Love, D

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  21. Your post was beautiful even if it was a hard one to write!! My thoughts and prayers go out to you on such a hard day!!!

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  22. I don't know what to say...I'm sorry you & your family had to go through such a loss, thank you for sharing this personal pain with us.
    {hugs}

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  23. So sorry for your loss Kristy. It is so hard to lose someone that you love deeply. Praying that His peace continues to lift you (and you Mum and Dad)up and bring comfort xxx

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  24. Precious Kristy, you are very brave to write this for your readers. I can't believe it's been ten years already. Lots of hugs to you (and sorry for those horrible cheese muffins I gave you guys that week!)

    LOVE YOU!!!

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  25. Thank you for sharing that. Bless you today!

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  26. Thanks for that, it may me cry, I remember the day so well, the shock and utter disbelief, like if we could just say NO, he'd be alright and everything would go back to normal.

    I remember going to your folks home, and thinking maybe I should leave them alone, your Dad just said, "Stay" and my heart ached for all of you and me and his friends and relatives and it was all just too much...and the way God put a peace into my heart and how He helped remember that Jamie was with Him..and we'd see him again.

    I miss him Kristy, his smile, laugh and his wonderful sense of humour.

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  27. Thankyou for sharing your story with us. What a tragic loss for your family. Hugs to you and may the memories never die.

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  28. What a beautiful post honoring Jamie.
    My thoughts are with you and your family on this sad day.
    xx

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  29. so heartbreaking! it's beautiful how God brings peace in the midst of the darkest storms. i'm so glad i found your blog through joye. i'm your newest follower. you are adorable and your blog is fantastic.

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  30. and how lucky he was to have such a loving sister, i am sure from reading your words, that he would have known how much you loved him!

    thank you for sharing! x

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  31. Sad, sad, SAD!!! Your story has moved me to tears. I lost a sister to suicide at 'around this time of year' and the feel of Autumn approaching always freshens the memory of that time even though it was just over 25 years ago. Like you I have experienced God's amazing peace. I could never have imagined beforehand what grace was going to be available to me when I needed it so badly!Thanks for sharing.

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  32. I only just read this today, but I hope your day went okay, thinking of you all. xx

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  33. I can't imagine how dark that day really was. And how heart wrenching for you and your family. But you let God take your anger and your hurt and give you His peace. That is such a powerful testimony!!

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  34. thank you for sharing this.
    i am so sorry you had to loose your big brother so young.
    i can't imagine the emptiness it must have left. but it is inspiring to see that though I am sure you will always miss his presence in this life, you have a hope that allows you to stand on top of your grief instead of being squashed by it. praise the Lord! and again thank you for sharing such a personal story...

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  35. I am so sorry for your loss. John 14:27 is my all-time favorite scripture. My daughter framed it for me and it's hanging in my bedroom. It's such a comforting scripture.

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  36. I came upon your blog while clicking-around looking for some crochet ideas. I have also been facing darkness while living with serious breast cancer. Your posts about dark times in your life and how God's peace has strengthened you are very peaceful. I lost my younger brother when I was ten. Forty years ago. The wonder of God's love is that my brother is still very much a part of my life. He has grown with me, become part of my children's lives and helped my through the loss of our parents.
    John 14:27
    27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.

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