Recent bonding with Grover - I think he's getting rather comfortable having a little preen on my shoulder.
Not long until we leave for Israel!!! Thankfully, Grover has some wonderful birdie-sitters who are going to look after him.
Sometimes, a parent needs a little bit of help when it comes to parenting.
Last week I had the awesome opportunity of hearing Diane Levy speak about the very topic of parenting, in her very humorous and straight to the point way. If you haven't heard of Diane, she is a well known and highly regarded family therapist and bestselling author in New Zealand, and around the world.
Her three books are very popular (Of Course I Love You... Now Go To Your Room!, They Look So Lovely When They're Asleep, and Time Out for tots, teens and everyone in between), and although I have read them in the past and been greatly helped with some of her tips, by child number four, I definitely needed a refresher course.
There was so much covered on the night, but a few friends have asked for me to share some of her tips, so here are a few - I hope they help!
Firstly, take the time to learn about your child's personality. Everyone is different, and although I don't believe that you can put everyone into a neat little box, each of us have different needs depending on our personality type. When you take the time to get to know your children (and spouse), it can make parenting a whole lot easier - believe me!
Secondly, remember that every child needs emotional support. The basics are rest, food, and a warm space... but they also need our empathy and physical love (i.e. cuddle). What they don't need when they are frustrated/upset/angry at a sibling or friend, is our mini-lecture/problem solving ideas/criticism/explanations and blame (Diane does some really really funny examples here of our little ones coming to us after fighting with a neighbour and us giving them big lectures or ideas of how to play nicer, when all they need is some emotional support before they handle the situation themselves).
If we want to raise healthy and balanced children that learn how to solve their own age-appropriate problems, we need to give them space and support to make their own decisions when issues arise. p.s. I am so good at giving mini-lectures and wearing myself out with suggesting other ideas, when all my kids need is a boring cuddle of support before they skip off again to play.
If we want to raise healthy and balanced children that learn how to solve their own age-appropriate problems, we need to give them space and support to make their own decisions when issues arise. p.s. I am so good at giving mini-lectures and wearing myself out with suggesting other ideas, when all my kids need is a boring cuddle of support before they skip off again to play.
Thirdly, I love Diane's simple steps for teaching our children to do as they are told.
Ask - Tell - Act
When you ASK a child to do something (i.e. pick up the toys on the floor), if they do not do it, you move up close to them and with a firm but quiet voice, TELL them again, if they still don't, ACT. This can be taking them to their room to have time out until they are ready to comply with your request, or other options like not allowing they any other goods or services until the job is done (i.e. you can have your afternoon tea once you have done what I asked you to do).
When you ask a child to do something, anything other than compliance is really a big fat NO. My Miss 3 has a habit lately of lying on the floor and wailing "but I'm too tired" or "I can't" - she is really just saying "NO, I don't want to", as I know for sure that she isn't too tired!
Anyway - overload of information - but I hope something helps. If you haven't read her books, I would definitely recommend them!
Happy parenting!
